In this article we are going to review 20 habits that destroy marriages. In the 21st century, the rate of divorce has increased dramatically and a lot of factors has contributed to this assertion even though some are very minute.
Marriage is a legal union between a two people as recognized by law. The partners in a marriage are called spouses.
Habits are a practiced attitude that’s hard to give up. A lot of bad habits contribute to marriage destruction. Some habits can be changed through learning, mentoring, while some habits are toxic and can destroy a marriage, no matter how strong, perfect, and blissful the marriage may have started out.
Habits That Destroy Marriage
Bad, toxic, and negative habits in a successful and healthy marriage can destroy it. Just as a house left abandoned falls to ruin, a marriage with bad habits not checked or corrected is doomed to fail.
Habits that destroy marriage are
1) Your Expectations
By far the first reason marriages fail is the partner’s expectations. It may seem choppy or it could confuse you, but we ALL have expectations that we place in our partner
There is no doubt: expectations are absolutely in the first place of the reasons why couples break out!
2) Allowing A Third Party Into Your Marriage
You fall into this category, although marriage is the highest priority for you and you are putting yourself on the line, ask the wrong people for help.
Who are the wrong people to ask for help with relationship issues?
Relatives, because they are NOT objectives and because you were raised by them in your family culture. Friends because they sympathize with you (if known, they always take your defense and never that of your partner) and do not hit you in the face for which YOU are not taking your responsibility.
3) Fear And Lack of Awareness
The fear resides in each of us, even in people who seem to us to be extremely brave. In fact, if we go to analyze their lives they are so brave in some areas of their lives, but they are absolutely not in others. Indeed: usually, I am OWN for fear of failing or being rejected in another area of one’s life (and often it is the sentimental one).
Do you know anyone who tries to cover the failure of their relationship with their work success, sporting prowess or some other type of extreme ostentation?
Being aware that surely you to are afraid is already a good starting point and the best thing you can do is explore these areas of yours with questions like:
- In what area of my marriage or relationship am I afraid?
- In the area of sex, what am I afraid of?
- When it comes to tell the truth to my partner, what am I afraid of?
- How am I afraid of simply being myself?
- Am I really able to be myself in my relationship as a couple?
Most people have enormous difficulties in being themselves in their relationship as a couple and, to cope with the frustration and discomfort that derives from it, they use the strategies have developed in their childhood.
4) Lack Of Communication
Communication is an important part of marriage. No Marriage can thrive without communication, it is one of the basic parts of marriage, but very important as it can never be neglected. Good communication is all about listening to your partner, knowing their needs, communicating and understanding each other’s feelings, Good communication will strengthen a relationship.
But when a communication has lost in a relationship, Loneliness and depression sets which will have adverse effects on the relationship and can lead to destruction of the marriage. Lack of communication can lead to cheating in a marriage and cheating is a great force can destroy a marriage.
We are human beings and as such we have been recurring patterns that we often adopt and fall back into habits consolidated over the years. This happens in any area of your life: at work, in nutrition, in money management, in movement and also in relationships. The more time you are married or in a relationship, the more you are at the risk of falling victim to some relationship habits that do NOT help your relationship.
Any couple who has had children know how the birth of a child (or maybe even more than one) radically changes the couple’s dynamics. Bringing mom and dad in a sort of ” survival mode, all attention goes to the newborn, and sleep deprivation increases as well as stress, sex deprivation and so on (you know from direct experience).
Most of the time the two parents continued to seek relief from stress, lack of attention or sex on the part of the partner with the small, or large habits that were created during the child’s childhood. As an example:
- Stay up late in front of computer
- Drinking alcohol
- Extra-marital relationships
- Get distracted with social media, etc
The best way to cure addiction is to visit a counselor immediately.
6). Financial Dishonesty
One of the ways by which marriage can be destroyed is through financial dishonesty. Couples must always be open and honest with each other about spending habits, financial capabilities and goals. They must always confide in themselves about their career, home, children, and retirement. If your partner is irresponsible about spending and doesn’t take financial advice, it can destroy trust in your marriage. Both partners in the couple must always participate in planning and budgeting for retirement. If you have financial problem, you can see a financial advisor.
7) Spying On Your Partner
Trust is a very important in a relationship, always have confidence and trust your partner privacy. The habit of spying on your partner is a sign of lack of trust, and will bring argument into the marriage.
If you spy on your partner, you will start second guessing everything he/she does. Jealousy will set in the marriage which is very bad, both of you will start feeling insecure and will only bring up problems that’s not supposed to be in the marriage. If you leave their phone open to you, it means, they have trust, respect and faith in you; but once your habit of spying sets in, it pisses them off and make your partner feel you don’t trust them enough.
8) Having The Habit Of Unforgiveness
People make mistakes because no one is perfect. To err is human. The toxic habit of holding grudges, and not having the spirit of forgiveness could lead to destruction of the marriage.
Couples must always learn to call each other’s attention when a mistake is made, and forgive each other immediately. It can lead to bitterness and will destroy the intimacy built between one another, it will create poor communication, and bring injury to the soul.
Not having a forgiving Spirit will evaporate joy, and give chance to enemies to penetrate and destroy the marriage.
Trust in each other and always forgive each other.
9) You Blame Your Partner Consistently
This is a really common and heavy mistake, and we really do ALL, I’m talking about blaming. This mistake is detrimental to the relationship.
Blaming someone or something we all do, is a phase of growth that we all go through: watch the children. As soon as something happens, the children immediately point the finger at someone else ” It wasn’t me, it was him!”
The bad thing is that this risks becoming a habit that is consolidated even as an adult (remember point 5). Growing up you must be able to take on your responsibilities, otherwise you will always remain a victim, and you are never in charge in defining the destiny of your life and your relationships.
An excellent exercise to get out of the victim mentality and become aware of your tendency to blame, and not take responsibility is the ” Week without blaming: make a commitment with yourself, with your partner or with a friend and not every time you don’t take your responsibility, and you blame someone. You can also track each situation on a sheet, and then analyze it and look for recurring pattern or use a bracelet (or a rubber band) and move it around your wrist whenever you realize that you have blamed someone
10) Lack Of Sex
Sex education is very important before people get married, you must get to marry someone you are sexually compatible with. Sex increases love, trust, and bring intimacy into the marriage, the habit of neglecting sex will constantly drift you apart from your partner and can eventually destroy the marriage.
If you feel not sexual life is not explored by your partner, discuss it with your spouse and find solutions to it.
11. Fighting Dirty
When fight occurs, couples should focus on communicating and connecting with each other rather than fighting to win. If your partner is always focused on being right instead of communicating honest emotions, your marriage is in trouble.
Criticize your partner constructively, do not hurt them during fights with words, the habits of fighting dirty can destroy a relationship.
Always communicate your emotions and see a counselor to stop this bad habit.
In every person it is present. Once upon a time, selfishness was a big component. It protected us from the emotional influences of the outside world. But now that we are grown up and married, selfishness is a wall that separates partners. The time has come to push the ego to the background. Practicing openness, but not defending yourself with silence, forgiving, and not taking revenge, apologizing, instead of blaming, giving thanks, and not using force.
13. Forgetting The Little Things
Little things matter and count in a relationship, little things like holding hands, kissing, hugging, surprise gifts, appreciation, kindness, etc.
If you have the habits of forgetting little things, it can destroy marriage as your partner might feel they are not appreciated enough.
Disrespect is a relationship killer. If your partner is disrespectful in nature, it leads to abuse in the relationship, and will destroy the relationship. Disrespect is a devastating habit, and it can come in the form of humiliation, disregard, manipulation, and inability to honor your partner. When your partner is angry, always calm them down and control your emotions, never let disrespect creeps in to destroy your marriage.
15. Neglecting Physical Intimacy
A toxic habit that destroy marriage is not caring about physical intimacies, it deepens love and make couples feel comfortable, and it requires deeper level of communication and include kissing, hand holding, caressing, and feeling passionate about your lover.
When all these things are neglected, it will destroy marital bonds and can lead to cheating.
Need help figuring it out? Click here to get questions women can ask in the bedroom and click here for questions men can ask to keep things spicy in the bedroom.
Anger creates a lot of damages that cannot be repaired, anger is a toxic habit that can destroy marriage quickly. It creates fear, resentment, bitterness, hostility, and can lead to physical abuse.
To cure anger, you must see a counselor and always try to respect each other’s perspective.
This is the act of having relationship outside marriage, these habits brings shame, dishonor to a family, and it’s the quick way to destroy a marriage.
Infidelity is the worst thing that can happen in a marriage. It destroys the foundation of the marriage, it leads to total disbelieve and lack of trust, and it leads to emotional destruction and alienation of family and friends. The best way to avoid is to love and trust your partner wholeheartedly.
18. Devaluing Your Spouse
Not appreciating your partner and making them feel less of themselves by not respecting, cherishing and making them feel loved can destroy a marriage. This habit can cause low self-esteem, orchestrate lack of interest, reduce confidence.
Once your partner feel they are not valued enough, the relationship is doomed to fail.
19. Seeking Absolute Control
Marriage is the coming together of a man and woman to form an alliance. You both partake in decision-making and reason together. A marriage your partner has the habit of seeking absolute control can destroy the relationship.
20. Having A Negative Mindset
As humans, developing negative mindset can destroy your life and career, negative mindset can even destroy the best of men and women.
When the habit is brought into marriage, it destroys it faster than expected, the world is a challenging place, and we will always encounter challenges, but having a positive attitude will help us overcome this attitude.
To cure negative attitude, you can visit a counselor or read books about having a positive lifestyle.
A marriage build on lies cannot last long, it will fail and get destroyed, couples need to be opened to each other and stay real, being dishonest with your partner will destroy the marriage.
People don’t like companions who tell lies because it signifies that they can’t be trusted or believed, not all marriage can survive broken trust.
To break the habit of dishonesty, always tell your partner the truth.
How To Break Bad Habits
- The first step is to recognize you have a problem, and decide something to do about it.
- Never blame your spouse for your bad habits because it will make them feel bad, take responsibility for fixing the problem
- During the process, encourage your partner with positive comments
- Lastly, show love, care and affection to your partner
Steps To Change Habits That Destroy Marriage
In all spheres there are bad habits to change. Since childhood we have been carrying bad habits that later in our adult life put our relationships at risk in all areas of our lives.
Most people generally know what to do, but don’t develop habits to make the changes they have to make in their lifestyle.
Unfortunately in all marriages couples each come with their “baggage of bad habits” that offend and hurt our spouse and we must change them.
Many men have a habit of not taking their wives into account in decision-making, or have a habit of not listening carefully; and that irritates and annoys their wives. Other men have a habit of not fixing some things at home that his wife has asked them to fix and they leave him for a long time without doing anything and that exasperates his wives.
Many women have a habit of disrespecting their husbands with words and attitudes. They have a habit of constantly criticizing and judging their husbands and talking badly about them with other people.
All of these bad habits are marriage destroyers and should be changed as soon as possible to prevent the relationship from deteriorating.
To quit a bad habit, we must replace it with another healthy habit. And to change a habit, we must follow several steps:
- Decide it. It is necessary to make a firm determination to want to change that negative habit.
- Repeat it. Starting to create the new habit requires constant repetition, forcing yourself to make that change. It requires discipline and perseverance.
- Do not give in to the temptation to accept that it is very difficult to make the change. We must strengthen the decision to go forward until we achieve the victory of changing the wrong habit.
Some habits will probably cost us a lot to change, but we should never falter in our goal of being better partner.
Talk to your spouse today and ask what habits of yours bother or offend them. Ask for forgiveness sincerely and be determined to start changing that negative habit that is damaging your marriage relationship. Your marriage and your family is the most valuable treasure. Take care of it!