A Complete Beginner’s Guide To BDSM: The Best Tips And Tricks

Comments

A Complete Beginner’s Guide To BDSM: The Best Tips And Tricks

While it is highly probable that the recent surge of interest by different people in BDSM can be attributed especially by the media to the works carried out by main screen franchises such as the ‘fifty shades’ franchise. This is not entirely accurate as BDSM practices have been recognized and engaged in by people for quite a long time now. Discipline and bondage, masochism and sadism, submission and dominance all make up scenarios of power exchange which may include sex, or deliberately avoid it have been existing for hundred’s of years now.

A whole lot of individuals that venture into BDSM for the first time are usually drawn to the thrill and unpredictability that comes with giving control over your body and/ or your mind to someone else, not to mention the health benefits!. This could take the form of either a short term release with an immediate partner or a long term engagement with a dominant party.

 

The Best Tips And Tricks

From the issue of safe restraining of your partner to engaging in various forms or role play, here are some tips that will surely help you get the best of your BDSM experience. They are so easy and straightforward, you can start TONIGHT!

 

Explore Boundaries And Interests With Your Partner (s)

A Complete Beginner’s Guide To BDSM: The Best Tips And Tricks

Since the whole concept of BDSM is fundamentally about dominance and submission, that means there is a form of consensual and mutual exchange of power at play. The implication of this is that even though one of the partner plays the submissive one and agrees to be tied up and dominated by the other partner, some certain terms of engagement have to be agreed between the partners.

Even though he/ she is the one tied up and being dominated, the submissive partner can in reality be the one in control as the dominant partner has the duty and responsibility of respecting limits. It is advisable to talk things over with your partner before venturing and trying out something new. The last thing you’d want is to be stopped midway because you crossed a boundary.

Another thing some people experiment with is the use of safe words. You and your partner could agree on a common word that will act as a signal to either stop or even intensify the current action being carried out. Interestingly, most couples that engage in BDSM usually consider the discussion of their encounter before hand as a form of stimulating foreplay. It will only end up adding to the overall experience and making it more pleasurable.

 

Engage Your Partner In Dirty Talk

Do you as a submissive partner enjoy the thrill of being reprimanded? Do you like being told how bad you are and how you’re going to be punished for being bad? If you do, then why don’t you consider asking your partner to talk dirty to/ with you? The truth is basically anyone can engage in dirty talk. Doesn’t matter if you’re the dominant partner, the submissive one or even a switch. Through dirty talking, your deepest erotic desires can be expressed freely. Verbal hints can also help you picture your most desired fantasies and bring them to life.

Let’s assume that you’ve always had the fantasy of being restrained but at the moment, all you want to hear is your partner talk about how they’re going to tie you up, and use you. If you’re a female, you may want to pretend your partner (if he’s a male) is your boss at work by referring to him as ‘sir’. You can explore your darkest fantasies on your mind before physically engaging in them with dirty talking.

 

Try Blindfolding

A Complete Beginner’s Guide To BDSM: The Best Tips And Tricks

A very easy way of adding some pleasurable tension to your sexual life is by depriving yourself of some sensory functions. Such as seeing. Temporarily subtracting stimuli from a particular sense can and will almost all the time lead to an increase in others. For example, when your ability to see is impaired with a blindfold, a simple whisper to your ear by your partner or the brushing of his/ her lips on yours leads to an intense and exciting moment.

There are stores online that sell the required blindfolds for this purpose for as low as $8. Also as a way of improvising, face masks can be used, as well as the silk tie of a bathrobe. Depending on the role you and your partner want to play, you can let him/ her blindfold you and request that you do the same.

After the blindfold has been put on, the real fun can then begin. The partner not putting on the blindfold can then proceed to tease and caress the blindfolded partner, constantly leaving them guessing what’s about to come next by delivering kisses all over the body, talking really dirty directly into their ears, or tickling really sensitive zones in their body with a feather.

Get a blindfold and start playing sooner rather than later! Want more options? Select from top pics in this blind fold and mask list!

 

Engage In Orgasm Control

The act of orgasm control, especially when experimented with a person possessing a penis, is commonly described as ‘edging’. The process of edging generally involves stimulating a person and bring him close to orgasm and then stopping the stimulation entirely, then repeating the cycle as is so desired. Even though you’re relatively new to this concept, you should still be aware that delaying gratification only leads to a more intense and sweeter ending.

It is not necessary that you need to possess any unique edging routine to help in the process of orgasm control. If you happen to be the submissive partner, then all you need to do is give in and relax while relinquishing the control of your orgasms to your partner.
You can encourage them to use a toy or their hands to work you towards the edge but just abruptly stop before you have the chance to go over. When you feel you are at your wits end and can no longer endure, direct them to pleasure you at that moment as intensely as possible while you prepare to experience one of your sweetest orgasms.

 

Purchase A Massage Candle

A Complete Beginner’s Guide To BDSM: The Best Tips And Tricks

Most people might not know this but you can actually use a candle to achieve more than just appropriate lighting for the mood. You can use them to engage in temperature play or making use of cold or heat to stimulate arousal during sexual activities. One way of using candles is by having your partner put hot wax all over your body. Using regular candles can have a downside however, the wax might be a little extreme in terms of heat.

Thus, it’s advisable you patronize companies that make candles specially designed for sex. These candles usually come in erotic scents such as ginger and date, bourbon. Furthermore, these candles burn at a much lesser temperature than regular candles and eventually melt into assorted oils that can be used for massage purposes.

Given that role play or in fact anything that involves power dynamics in general is a great component of BDSM, you and your partner(s) can try role playing as a massage therapist and a client. You can even end things with a good old fashioned happy ending.

 

Tying Is The Real Deal

When it comes to BDSM, many couples would agree with the fact that the act of restraining seems to be at the center of it all. Once you and your partner have been able to explore the activities that you would love to indulge in when tied up (be it spanking, nipple torture, etc) and the limits or boundaries that should not be crossed (for instance, one of you may not be too comfortable with the other spitting on the face), you can then proceed to tying.

Luckily for you, there ate several books and articles on this subject that can help you improve you rope tying skills tremendously. However, nothing excessively fancy is needed here. All you really need to do is tie the knot in a way that should not be too difficult to lose once the whole experience comes to an end.

Some common materials that can be used for this include; scarfs, bathroom ties and even specially made bondage ropes (you can easily order one online). As a safety tip, it is important to remember to lay flat what ever material you and your partner end up using. This ensures that either of your skins eventually don’t bunch off and that the risk of circulation of blood being cut off is eliminated.

 

You Can Never Go Wrong With Handcuffs

A Complete Beginner’s Guide To BDSM: The Best Tips And Tricks

Are you in need of a common restraint tool that is also user friendly? Then handcuffs can surely satisfy that need. Though they’re not quite as versatile as ropes, using them ensures that you don’t constantly have to worry about your tying skills. Also, handcuffs are quite effective on the sense that they ensure your partner has absolutely no way of touching him/ herself, thus, they come in handy for orgasm control. You might want to consider the size if your partner’s hands while choosing a handcuff. You obviously don’t want something too tight. That might make them uncomfortable and kill the fun.

Get your satin handcuffs now, and thank us later!

 

Explore Dress Up

This is more or less a derivative of role playing. Role play can help get you and your partner into an erotic kinky mood when you assume the characters of individuals with power dynamics that you are interested in. This could include a professor and his female student, a boss and his secretary at work. A deliberate and creative means to explore your deepest desires and fantasies is by playing dress up. It’s possible that you’re drawn towards being submissive or dominant with your partner, but still nervous at the same time. Donning the right outfit can act as a much needed confidence and performance boost.

Dress up does not have to be complicated all the time. You can simply start with the outfits you have at your disposal at home, such as a plaid skirt or a tie. For this couples that like to be really into it, there are websites where you can get costumes to play out your hidden fantasies.

Playing dress up is what make role playing complete. Perhaps you’ve always had the fantasy of being a patient at the hospital tested by the doctor for abnormal orgasms, then convince your partner to don a stethoscope. Or you’d really like you as Darkseid to smash wonder woman from behind, then costumes can do the trick and make the whole scene come alive.

Costumes can help couples assume the kind of roles (either dominant or submissive) that they would like to experience with each other. Even if you eventually only end up having vanilla sex while wearing a costume, at least you still got to play dress up as an adult.

 

Explore Group Affairs

If you’re willing and comfortable with the idea of exploring BDSM with more than just your partner, then you might want to consider adding another person to the mix. This new person should advisably have similarly boundaries and limits as you and your partner. This ensures that the experience for everyone involved is a fulfilling one.

The thing with group affairs is that both the original partners might not be on board all the time. One might not be willing to explore the possibility of adding a third person. At this point, it is important to note that it’s all about communication. If your partner is not willing, you can both sit down and talk about it. Most times, it’s not the act itself that they are uncomfortable with, it’s the fact that they can’t say for sure if the new addition will be willing to respect limits.

 

Try Writing It Down

A Complete Beginner’s Guide To BDSM: The Best Tips And Tricks

What most couples do these days is that they draft up a written contract, and it’s a really great idea. Since it’s already a given that the foundation upon which BDSM is built on is communication, then it might not be a bad idea to document what you and your partner end up discussing. Like a sort of contract, doesn’t matter if you’re dating or married even.

This documented agreements act as a sort if refresher for when you want to refer back to your partner’s boundaries and limits. The good thing about this story of agreement is that it’s quite flexible, meaning that once you begin to get more comfortable with your partner and with BDSM in general, then you both can visit this contract, discuss, renegotiate some terms and make the necessary adjustments and amendments.

Just because the word ‘contract’ was used doesn’t mean that you and your partner have to be so formal and transactional about it. You can actually make it fun. Actually, the whole process can act as a form of foreplay in anticipation of what is in store for both of you.

 

Choose A Setting

In a bid to add a bit of spice to your BDSM experience with your partner, you both can come up with some sort of a game plan. This game plan should traditionally comprise aspects of your BDSM life and one of such aspects is the environment or setting where you and your partner decide to do the deed. You might decide on the hotel you lodge for your next vacation (which can allow you both explore various personas and really bring them to life), a special room made strictly for power sex play, or even your regular bedroom. What’s really vital is that where ever you choose should be a place where you and your partner feel safe.

 

Decide On A Safe Word

Even though you and your partner trust each other, some unanticipated things might still occur from time to time. In such an eventuality, you can decide on a safe word that you both can say (and listen to of course). Most preferably, this safe word should not be one that is usually said in the bedroom, it should be something random. Say ‘flapjack’ or ‘Salem’.

Now, once a safe word is said by either you or your partner, then any activity going on should halt immediately. It’s important to note that the main aim of any sexual activity is mutual satisfaction and pleasure, so once it’s perceived by one partner that the other is taking things too far, then this aim is defeated. Stick with your partner, find out if they’re okay, stay with them until they’ve pointed out the reason they said the safe word. Find out how you can satisfy their needs going forward.

 

Take Your Partner Shopping

A Complete Beginner’s Guide To BDSM: The Best Tips And Tricks

In its base natural state, BDSM can be quite exciting and enjoyable. However, you can take it up a notch through the addition of props and ropes. Visit a sex store with your partner today and follow your wildest thoughts and imaginations. You both might end up stocking on nipple clamps, lube, anal beads, restraints, vibrators and even paddles to help you better get into the roles that you and your partner have agreed to play.

At the end of the day, all it’s really about is pleasure for both you and your partner. So it there anything that you feel will increase the pleasure level you and your partner currently experience? Then go for it!

 

Make Out Time For Aftercare

A Complete Beginner’s Guide To BDSM: The Best Tips And Tricks

Did you know that equally as important as your BDSM experience it is the conversation you and your partner (s) have afterwards? This conversation is what is referred to as ‘aftercare’. Aftercare provides a chance for you and your Partner to debrief. You can ask them which part of the experience they enjoyed most and what they truly thought when you performed a certain action, say nipple biting.

 

Things to Remember When Practicing BDSM

The intimacy that this brings alongside the truthfulness and vulnerability after the BDSM experience will only strengthen the bond between you and your partner.

Note…

Like with most things that involve more than a single individual, BDSM also has it’s own dimensions. This means that the relationship does not necessarily have to consist of a dominant and submissive partner. Some people might not consider themselves to be either of the two and that’s totally okay. Some of the other dimensions that BDSM partners can explore include;

Switch

A switch is a person that is okay with being dominant or submissive at different times, under different circumstances and with different partners.

Top

A top is an individual that is okay with taking charge or taking control without him/ herself necessarily identifying as the dominant partner.

Bottom

Basically, a top can play the role of the person handing over control to a dominant partner or another top present without necessarily identifying as the submissive partner.

 

Conclusion

Basically, it is not uncommon to find that those who are by nature dominant and showcase traits to support this attribute are naturally drawn to others willing to submit their will to them willingly and eagerly.

If before reading this and you’re inquisitive about the alluring, erotic and thrilling nature of BDSM but lacked the finances to invest in a standard BDSM dungeon, then try some of the good alternatives for you. You can add some BDSM moves to your current relationship without breaking the bank to invest in ropes and all the other kinky stuff associated with BDSM.

There is actually no shame in being new to the world of BDSM. Sure investing in ropes and other gadgets can sweeten the experience but at the end of the day, you’ve got to realize that it’s purely about you, your partner(s), and the mutual power for pleasure that you both share.

After all, many experts have stressed the fact that the real pleasure can be enhanced from a psychological point of view. Some couples have even opined that the experience derived from using the hands beats that of any sophisticated gadget. Hands are free!

Furthermore, common tools found in the home setting such as clothes pins and ropes can be used to derive maximum pleasure.

Get started with your kinky self here! And remember, it should always be for your pleasure! 

Related Posts

No Results Found

The page you requested could not be found. Try refining your search, or use the navigation above to locate the post.

0 Comments

0 Comments

Submit a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *